What is Self care?
So often we’re told that self care is essential to our well-being. A quick search turns up 100s of self care activities you can do to maintain your physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and social health. We read these lists in Good Housekeeping and scroll countless Reddit threads, all detailing the many ways you can perform self care and how it can benefit your life. With all those benefits and instructions, many of us still find it difficult to start or even keep up with our self care practices.
I think that's because these random practices are not grounded in anything. They merely become more things we have to add to our day in order to appear to care about our health. Even what feels good and works for us may not stick because life gets in the way.
I want to reframe self care. At the very least, take a deeper look into what it really means and how we can use that new perspective to motivate us to stick to our self care efforts and reap the fullness of its benefits.
The definitions for the words self and care in their simplest forms include:
- Self : One’s nature/character; personal interest; the entity underlying all subjective experience
- Care : to be concerned; to have thought or regard; to make provision; to have affection for
In other words:
- Self care is regarding your subjective experience.
- Self care is having affection for your nature.
- Self care is making provision for your personal interest.
- Self care is being concerned with your character.
Self care is regarding your subjective experience.
Being connected to your perspective and thinking highly of your unique point of view
A subjective experience is one that only you can have and understand. It’s based on your emotions and senses. It’s formed by the experiences that came before it and it shapes the experiences that come out of it. It is essentially your unique perspective.
To practice self care, with this in mind, means you’re open to the information your encounters give you AND you value them. Whether past or present you take in your observations and incorporate them into your being.
This information can guide you through what thoughts are yours or from outside of you, what situations feel right and which don’t, even to what you like and dislike about yourself. So much can come out of being in your body and your experience, honoring what it tells you.
Self care is having affection for your nature
Liking your innate qualities
Use your experiences to help decipher what is and isn’t You. Learn deeply what your natural skills, abilities, and inclinations might be. These don't have to be talents that will someday make you star, but rather, small quirks and idiosyncrasies that add color to the world and shape the way you view it. They're part of the pallet you use to paint the picture that is your life, and I'm sure if you look closely you're favoring certain colors.
Pay attention to the qualities and energies you bring to rooms, relationships, and the situations you enter. You have an essence that is unique to you and it matters that you share it. Your questions can change minds. Your voice can soften hearts. Just a glance from you can change a persons whole day.
No matter your make up, learn to like yourself. Move and mold yourself in ways that light you up. Have interactions that give you the chance to be your best self. Spend time alone with yourself to help filter the noise so that your natural You can shine through.
Self care is making provision for your personal interest
Preparing for what you give your attention to, what you want to be a part of, what you want to know more about
Provision is setting aside resources for what’s to come. Good news; you get to decide what that is. Self care means picking a path and moving as if it’s what going to happen. In the process, you find new versions of yourself as well as more interests and potential paths.
Preparation looks like wanting to be the kind of mom that cooks for her kids so you find and practice your favorite recipes before a child is ever even in the picture. It's knowing you have a love for photography so you study the styles and techniques and visit galleries, knowing that it's training your eye.
The self care is in caring about where you’re spending your time, money, and effort. Allocate what you have towards the things you want to experience. Fun things. Pretty things. Money-making things. Relationship building things. Whatever you value, provide for that.
Self care is being concerned for your character
Taking responsibility for your mental and moral qualities
Care about how you show up in the world. This is about your internal hygiene. You wouldn't knowingly walk around filling rooms with your funk so the same can be said for letting the "funk" of your bad experiences fill your situations. In the words of Auntie Tab, “ If you can’t have a good day, then don’t you dare try and ruin somebody else’s!”
Don’t be afraid to be honest with yourself. The conversations happening in your head are valuable information. The way you talk to yourself can help you understand why interactions go the way that they do. Or why your circumstances are what they are. Use this as guidance for refining your mindset and behaviors.
There’s no right or wrong here— you set the standard. Do what makes you feel whole and undivided. Move with integrity, a steadfastness in what you believe to be your best, and stay true to that and that alone.
At its core the process of self care is centered around your experiences; the ones you’ve had, are having, and the ones you want to have. It’s about what you do with what you learn and how you incorporate it into your life.
It’s deeper than pedicures and workouts, although these activities are certainly a part of it. It’s about having a life that’s shaped around you. You are your motivation. Your wants and needs are your compass.
To care about yourself is to care about your Self! Care about your thoughts, your feelings, your desires, your impact. Make you a priority in your life and literally everything You do becomes Self care.🫶🏽