How to practice Self Love
Self love as a practice turns everything you do into a dance. Whether it's you or your Self leading, one of you two partners will take a step and the other will follow. Even in a freestyle, there are synchronicities that make the result so much more beautiful than if you were just flailing on the dance floor all alone.
Pay Attention
The conversations you have with your Self are key to understanding where your relationship lies. The weak spots you may be experiencing. Just like a bickering, married couple you may find there's some unspoken tensions that need working out. Paying close attention allows those things to be addressed and worked on, so long as you're willing.
Shift the narratives
Often times there's a tune that we just can't stop dancing to, even when our partner says they've had enough. That tune in this instance, is the narratives you allow to play out. Maybe you're 'not enough' or 'too' something. It comes up when you hand in a work report or head out on a date. When your friends show up on IG without you or when you spend yet another Valentine's Day alone. Whatever may trigger the onset of the story, you have a duty to change the station.
Once you realize what you're saying, invite your Self into a conversation. Let it be known that you acknowledge the feelings and why they're coming up. Offer an alternative. None of your work reviews have reflected any of these thoughts and if you want to put more into your work, do it! Your friends didn't purposely exclude you and if you want to spend more time with them, reach out.
Identify the voice
Sometimes the words we say to our Selves, didn't come from us. Maybe our parents and teachers left residue from their time with us. It could've been a TV show or movie that created a story. Society at large has a lot to say about the way things "should" be, that doesn't mean that has to be YOUR story.
Identify the voice that's giving you a hard time. If you can't put a name to it, ask who it is. Trust and know that You want what's best for you so You wouldn't berate or belittle yourself. This must be a voice that got stuck to you. Go back to the conversation. Listen, take what works, offer an alternative, then dismiss.
"You're no longer needed voice that isn't mine! Thank youuu."
End on a high or with a question
Merely shifting the tone can be the difference between a good day or not. As you're shifting narratives, it's possible that the words are right but the tone is off. Try telling your story with a different inflection. Even if it feels funny, leave the conversation having pumped yourself up in some capacity. Be your biggest cheerleader.
Asking an open-ended question can open up possibilities for you. Sometimes the answers you need aren't yet understood so asking questions and allowing the answers to come to you, whether through a song, an experience, or a conversation with someone in passing. However it comes, it was your openness that made it possible.
Give to your Self
Give your Self space and grace to figure out who you are and become that. The reason the stories bother us is because they don't align with the person we know ourselves to be deep down. Just looking around at what's around you can be a shock because it's so far removed from the knowing in your heart that says "But wait, there's more!"
Believe you can
There's a version of you that you can see and want to be but you get in the way whenever you refuse to believe it's possible. Without that belief you won't take step to actually become it and that, my friends, is a quintessential self-fulfilling prophecy. Without actively moving in the direction of your desires there's no way to realize them.
Truly all it takes is you believing you actually can lose the weight when temptations threaten your lifestyle changes. When you believe there's a love of your life and people approach you, you'll be far more open than of you didn't.
Believing is the step. There are no other big leaps you need to take in order to get closer to who you're becoming. It's in the believing that the next step reveals itself. It's with the belief that you'll be willing to take it.
Maintain the relationship
In any healthy, loving relationship we need grace. We need to be able to make mistakes and receive loving correction. We also need to be mindful of how much grace we're cashing in! The push-pull of the relationship you have with your Self is work and it's up to you to determine the balance that works best for You. The loving conversations and believing in the possibilities is the building of the relationship, now it's time to maintain it.
Maintenance is in incorporating time with Self into your day to day. We're talking Mind, Body, and Spirit. Journaling for mental clarity. Meditation for mental rest. Yoga for a conscious awareness of the Body. Movement to increase its capabilities. Creative pursuits for spiritual fortitude. Unguarded expression for spiritual release. So many options and that's only scratching the surface. You have a responsibility to find ways to find your Self throughout the day.
Take and make your time
And I can already hear you saying "I don't have time for that!" well...make time. Take your time back from people and things that aren't pouring into You. Redistribute that into your relationship. Prioritize your Self when creating your schedule. Develop a routine to ensures you touch at least one aspect of the relationship. Connect them together so that they flow from one to another. I asked questions that were answered while I crafted so I wrote them in my journal. My meditation turned into a mindless movement session that really worked out the kinks in my back, I wonder what those were about?
Not everything happens so succinctly. It often takes time for questions to be answered and realizations to occur. So take your time. It's yours to do with what you please. As everything comes in, it's right on time every time so don't waste the space in between reverting back to giving yourself grief.
Do "it" now
There's always a reasonable, achievable next step you can take in pursuit of your most realized Self, take it now.
Express it
There are things you want to say, wear, show etc. Do it now. What you say may come out "wrong" at first but there's only one way to get better. That crop top may not look it's best today but the more you play the more you come to find your style. Where you are in your process is exactly where you need to be in order to show off and show out. Keeping You bottled up and squeezed in to a space that just can't house all that you are is the reason the acne won't clear up, the acid keeps bubbling up, or the muscles keep seizing
up. There's so much of you that needs to be expressed! And the sooner you do it, the sooner you can feel relief.
Learn it
Seldom do we want to be seen trying. Oh how cringe! But to do so, is to believe that it's not the end of your story and to get there you gotta keep walking. Even if that means walking right through expectations and perceptions. Just bulldoze through what you're "supposed to" know and or what you "should" be doing. Figure it out now.
Whatever you don't know- look it up. We are in an information era with so many avenues for learning. I have multiple degrees from YouTube University! There's no logical reason why you wouldn't learn skills in pursuit of your happiness and joy. At any point in your journey just stop and study. Just don't stay there.
There are some skills that you can't just observe and read about. You'll have to get your hands dirty. You'll need to develop muscle memory. And for those, stumble through it. You won't land every trick on the first try. You'll need to try before you buy and that means learning as you're doing it. Lean in to the learning process and don't get discouraged. Pay attention to the narratives, make your shifts, give yourself time. You got this.
Choose it
So what's next? No, really it's up to you. You get to decide where your next steps take you. When I envision my Highest Self I see so many different elements that today's next step can go into so many different directions. The key is to understand, based on what I see is possible and what's in front of me, which direction will take me where I want to go? This relationship doesn't align with what I saw in my vision so it's either time to talk or pack. This job has all of the freedom I felt in my vision but how can I incorporate more creativity? My Body is doing all that I need it to do for me, how can I do more for it?
After making a choice, accept it. Sounds obvious but this is often where we lose the love. Not accepting the choice gives you an out later when times get rough. When the narratives are winning and the time just isn't there. You made a promise to your Self to see it through when you chose this direction, otherwise you could've just stayed in place. You came this way because you wanted the change. So go get it. Keep the promise you made to your Self. Accept the lessons that come with your decision. Accept the challenges. Just as you'll accept the gifts, accolades, and blessings as they come in!
Self love is a practice. These are just tools to use in developing your own practice. If nothing else, decide what Love means to You and then attract it in every facet of your being and becoming.
Everything shared is everything I had to tell myself just last night. I will never not return to these basic principles in order to keep my life "on track". I know that I have so much love in my life because I put it there. Beyond the family, friends, and significant others, I have the first and final say on how love shows up for me so I know as long as I'm present and purposeful, I'll be okay. And now I know you will be too.
Love you!